Diddy's Trial Day 1: Bible in one hand, surveillance video in the other

Freak-offs, stripper testimony, and a defense that’s trying real hard to downplay literal blackmail. Help us uncover the day 1 of Diddy's trial.

Opening arguments?

More like opening chaos.

First off, Diddy strutted into federal court Monday morning holding a Bible. Yes, The Good Word. Because nothing says “I might be a sex trafficker” like scripture in one hand and your whole reputation in the other.

It’s okay, God Got it. While he sat flipping through the Good Book, 12 jurors and 6 alternates were selected to decide whether Diddy’s next gig will be a lifetime prison tour.

The first witness was former LA hotel security guard Israel Florez, who walked the jury through the 2016 hotel beating incident between Cassie and Diddy.

Here’s what’s wild.

On the stand Monday, Israel Florez—now a cop with the LAPD—recalled the night he responded to a call about a distressed woman on the sixth floor of the InterContinental Hotel.

Apparently, he walked into what can only be described as a fever dream. Diddy was allegedly in nothing but a towel, slouched in a chair, staring Florez down with what Florez described as a blank, devilish gaze.

Oh nah.

Florez also said he spotted a trashed hotel floor, then escorted Cassie and Diddy to their room—where Cassie tried to leave and Diddy reportedly told her “You’re not going to leave.” Big red flag energy.

Florez stepped in and said, “If she wants to leave, she’s going to leave.” That’s when Diddy allegedly tried to slip him hush money—a neat lil' stack of cash and told him, “Don’t tell nobody.” Florez said, “Keep it. I’m not the one.”

Surveillance footage was also shown to the jury, reportedly capturing Diddy kicking, dragging, and manhandling Cassie in a hallway, while wearing nothing but a towel.

Because apparently assault, bribery, and channeling Lucifer were all on the Diddy’s mood board that day. INSPO!

No but really, let’s be clear.

This wasn’t some grainy, blink-and-you-miss-it footage. Multiple cameras caught the whole thing.

Sadly, things only escalated after Cassie left the building with what Florez said was a "purple eye" (read as black eye but worse during trial), prompting him and another guard to confront Diddy about hotel policy.

That’s when Diddy reportedly snatched the other guard’s phone mid-convo, accusing him of recording.

In response, Florez said he shoved the Grammy-winner up against the wall and demanded he hand the phone back.

Oh, we’re really in it now.

You thought this trial was going to be a quick dip into celebrity scandal? Nah, baby. We’re diving straight into the deep, dark dungeon of Diddy’s alleged "freak-off" empire.

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Drugs, sex, and more drugs

So first off, prosecutors didn’t hold back. They cracked open the courtroom with claims that Diddy wasn’t just throwing wild parties—he was allegedly running multi-day, drug-soaked sex circuses that came with a strict dress code (read: costumes), mandatory performances (read: coerced sex acts), and, surprise!—recording equipment. Because what's a trauma-filled orgy without surveillance footage to seal the blackmail?

According to Assistant U.S. Attorney Emily Johnson, the victims will testify about hotel-room hellscapes where they were high out of their minds, forced into sex acts under Diddy’s watchful eye. And when they weren’t actively being exploited? They were being filmed, threatened, and “kept in line” by his inner circle to preserve his public image. Cozy!

Then came witness #2

Daniel Phillip, a former male stripper who came to court with a very vivid memory and zero chill. He told the jury that Diddy paid him to have sex with Cassie—multiple times—while Diddy watched like the creepiest pay-per-view subscriber alive. And Phillip didn’t stop there: he testified that he personally saw Diddy get violent, slapping Cassie, yanking her by her hair, and even hurling a liquor bottle at her.

One time, Cassie allegedly jumped into Phillip’s lap, shaking like a leaf—absolutely terrified. Because yes, this is what allegedly passed for a romantic getaway in Diddy’s world.

Now, the defense?

Oh, they tried. Lawyer Teny Geragos told the jury, “Sure, he’s angry. Sure, he’s violent. But hey—that’s just domestic drama, not sex trafficking!” (Real quote: “This is about domestic violence, not trafficking.”)

She said Cassie stayed with Diddy “by choice” and that this was all consensual adult behavior between powerful people. You know—adult behavior with NDAs, bribes, drugs, and escorts. 🙃

Also, according to Geragos, everyone’s just in it for the money now. Because nothing says “I want a quick payday” like reliving your trauma on a federal witness stand while the world watches.

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Our thoughts

The defense is banking on the jury confusing trauma bonding with consent. Meanwhile, the prosecution is assembling a timeline that sounds like the world’s most disturbing episode of Black Mirror.

Based on only Day 1… we’re going to need industrial-strength bleach for this entire thing.

Stay tuned,